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Ernest Hemingway once said that the real measure of a writer was an ability to write while in the throes of a hangover. I would like to append this for the '90s. The real measure of a writer is: to be able to fashion a story our of an interview with Full House's mighty munchkins, the Olsen twins. I've got history with the Olsens. Last year, when they were 6, I interviewed them while they were shooting their Christmas TV-movie, "To Grandmother's House We Go." It killed in the ratings. If you've read this far, you watched it. And probarbly their prime-time Mother's Day special, in which they courted and traded comedic riffs with a bevy of guests in the manner of tiny Bop Hopes. I had hoped the intervening year might have made them a bit more gregarious, because they were shooting around Vancouver in June for their Halloween special, "Double Double, Toil and Trouble" (ABC, Saturday), and I was to talk to them again. Ushered in to their presences, I find them in matching turquoise, pink and yellow chekered jumpers, with multicolored runners; Mary-Kate in a red polo shirt and Ashley in aqua. Accompanying them are their coach, Adria Later, and their mother Jarnie. Mary-Kate has been the more aggressive actress from the beginning, and today she dominates. Ashley squirms as if she wants to wriggle under the cushions of the trailer's bench seats.

TVG: Did you like "To Grandmother's House We Go" When you saw it?
MK: Yes
TVG: Do you think you'll show it to your kids when you're grown-up?
MK: I dunno
TVG: Are you going to have kids when you grow up?
MK & A: [Adamantly] No!
Coach: They're in that "I don't like boys"stage.
TVG: How did you like recording your album, "Brother for Sale?"
Coach: They just recorder a second one. What's the name of your new record?
MK & A: [In cherubic harmony] "I'm the Cute One."
TVG: Tell me about your Halloween special, "Double, Double, Toil and Trouble."
MK: I'm Kelly.
A: I'm Lynn.
MK: We want to go to Aunt Agatha's to get the money 'cause they're gonna tear down our house. 
   And that pretty much summed it up for their angle. Luckily coach Later kept up the interrogation.
Coach: What did Aunt Agatha do that was very mean?
MK: She cast a spell on Aunt Sophia.
Coach: Who's Aunt Sophia?
MK: Agatha's twin sister. They're witches. A good witch and a bad witch.

The witches are played by Cloris Leachman, while Meshach Taylor (Designing Women, Dave's World) plays a hobo the little twins befriend along the way. The nasty witch has also trapped her good counterpart in a magic mirror. And it's the Olsens to the rescue, but let's face it, you're going to watch just for the cuteness factor. When they're not making TV, both girls are gaga for horsy rides. A perq of stardom is that the producer had horses brought on the "Toil and Trouble"set for recreation. They are taking riding lessons, though Ashley prefers cats to horses and takes ballet lessons. Mary-Kate collects toy horses and statuettes; Ashley collects teddy bears. When they get too much of either, mother reveals she takes the excess to a church to share with needy kids - though both girls are absolutely goggle-eyed with shock when this is divulged. So we quickly change the subject. If the acting thing loses its appeal, Mary-Kate wants to train animals for the movies, while Ashley wants to be a makeup artist and a ballet dancer. Since they started school last year, they have stopped making their beds and their $2 weekly allowance has been cut off. They're now in Grade 2 and their fave subject is math. They are also joining Brownies. To accompany their new album, they will have a song and dance video out by Christmas. During recess on Full House, they play handball, though they admit they're not very good at it. Their favorite music is The Beach Boys and the soundtrack to "Guys and Dolls." This year for Halloween, Mary-Kate is going to dress as a cancan girl, while Ashley favors Princess Jasmine from "Aladdin." Mary-Kate's favorite candy is gum; Ashley's is gummi bears. They want to be like Full House costar Jodie Sweetin when they get older. While they were having lunch at the Tea House in Stanley Park, a middle-aged woman came up to them and was so overwhelmed she burst into tears. Their favorite videos are "Guys And Dolls" and "The Mighty Ducks" ; fave movies  "The Sandlot" and "Dennis the Menace" ; fave TV show, Camp Wannawanna. They want to do their next movie about a dude ranch, because of all the pony rides it will entail. When asked if Full House is funny, Ashley slides under the table and Mary-Kate allows "So-so." So with all that important info commited to tape, I again took my leave. "Well that was fun," I say. They both look at me like I've lost my mind. I know what they're thinking: "So-so." And I know that in the morning, I'll be putting Hemingway's adage to the test.

Tykes-Coons

Over the last few months, the Olsen twins have signed over $10-million worth of agreements that include the creation of a production company, a new Full House contract that takes them through the '94-95 season and a guarantee of their own series after Full House. Discussions are ongoing for the twins to star in a feature film next summer, and it seems likely they'll host another variety special on ABC. In short, they have made it, and their parents, Jarnie and Dave Olsen, want to make sure the kids always will have it. According to attorney Robert Thorne, who engineers the deals, the kids' parents have gone to extraordinary lengths to protect the twins' income and avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing. There are trust funds; they've arranged for the hiring of outside attorneys who report only to the girls'estate not the parents. Still, Dave Olsen knows it's only a matter of time before they come to him with the big-money question. Last summer, "Mary-Kate asked me if she had more money than I do," he says, recalling how his mind spun at the prospect of explaining trust funds and development deals to a 7-year-old, and how she was, in fact, much richer than Daddy ever would be. "And then I realized she was talking about the $45 in her piggy bank."